TTM Failure #1 & The Time I Got Heckled by Carl Everett

One of the few photos of Carl Everett not yelling at someone

I feel like just reporting a TTM failure is a waste of a blog post.  So I'll start by saying Jim Lonborg was a failure.  Return to sender/unable to forward result from his Hanover, MA address listed on SCF.  Now, on to a short story that involves Carl Everett and the Camden Riversharks.

Carl Everett bounced around the majors for a while, before finishing his career in the Atlantic League.  He spent two years with Long Island and Newark.  This was 2007-10.  I did see him play several times with both the Ducks & Bears as his teams came through Camden.

One afternoon game when he was wrapping it up with the Bears in 2010, I managed to get two tickets right next to the third base dugout at Campbell's Field.  I say "managed" making it seem difficult.  It was 20 minutes before first pitch and I walked up to the box office and said "two best available, please".  This may be why Rutgers University razed the stadium for, I don't know what they built down there, I'm assuming condos.

This particular game Carl I believe was playing Designated Hitter and was not having a good game.  He struck out on some brutally ugly swings and worst of all, got tagged out at home on a horrendous slide.


As it was Carl Everett, a player who did not truck in good will with the fans, my friend and I decided that Carl needed to hear very specifically our critique of his work.

As it's been a decade, some of my favorite heckles have been lost to time.  But some of my favorites from memory:
How do the bologna and cheeses on the bus compare to the buffet at Fenway?

Do you wash your jersey with your clothes?  Or do you take turns doing everyone's jerseys?

Who do you blame for teaching you how to slide?

Then of course the: Where do you go from here? Wiffle ball?

At one point, after giving him some of my thoughts regarding his performance, he turns around from the on deck circle and says "At least I'm a has been, you're a never was."

I was prepared for this.  I responded to his tired quip with, "You've never seen my curriculum vitae, sir!"

Shortly after, manager Tim Raines lifted Everett for someone who I would almost assure you was a much better base runner.  From my seats I was able to see that he wasn't even on the bench.  To which I asked Raines if "Carl had to get back to the clubhouse to watch Matlock."  (You see, because he was a very old player at that point.)